i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
