I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I could make wine with my vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control should be required to get into college
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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