after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
