hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
