dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize