I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
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Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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