Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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