May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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