i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
