We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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