didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
no you cant smoke seaweed
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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