Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
