are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
