goodnight i made you a song goodbye
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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