Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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