Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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