Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
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Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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