I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize