My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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