i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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