I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
