Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
