just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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