and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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