You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
