I'm gonna have a badass scar
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
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My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize