i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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