there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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