She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
