Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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