Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
