hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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