he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
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i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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