Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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