so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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