as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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