Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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