i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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