I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
