My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
