your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
