ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
