I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That accounts for only three of the penises
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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