I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
BRING THE BAGELS
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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