dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
