i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
