I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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