You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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