He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
