I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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