Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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