If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
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sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize