how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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