Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
