I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
