I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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