I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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