you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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