Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
