I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
