Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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