Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
