even my farts smell like vagina
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
