What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
