moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
