Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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