If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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