Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Buhtt sex?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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