he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
