I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
