You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
