i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
