all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
