So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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