Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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