Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
