Got a toothbrush?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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