I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize