So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Watching her eat just hurts me
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
