this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
